Why Won’t My Children Believe?

I ran into one of my neighbors, a while back. After we talked for a while, she asked, “Now, David are you a Baptist?” That led to, “What can you tell me about the rapture?” I knew we had arrived at the important things when she asked if I would pray for two of her children who were not attending church. The thing about her children is that they are in their thirties.

I asked my neighbor how they raised their children. She was honest. The problem with most of us is a half-hearted approach to the Christian faith. Our grandparents were nominal believers, and our parents were nominal believers. For the great majority of church goers, the nominal Christian life is passed down to our children. Obviously, there are exceptions.

Our children have three temperatures when it pertains to the faith: cold, lukewarm, and hot. My neighbor’s two children are cold toward Christ. The burden was heavy upon her heart. There was a degree of guilt in her voice. Every parent walks through the maze in his or her mind, “How could I have done it different?” When facing issues like this one, we must start with theology, and then move onto practice. These are the things I told my neighbor.

First, God is sovereign. He is the Creator of the heavens and the earth (Gen 1:1). He sits in the heavens and does what He wants (Ps 115:3; 135:6). He has decreed all things from before the foundation of the world. This includes who would be saved (Eph 1:4–5).

Second, God is merciful and gracious. In His sovereign election, to save even one of us is a brilliant display of mercy and grace. None of us deserves salvation. We who believe love these attributes of God.

Third, God is good. If God were simply sovereign and not necessarily good, He would be frightening. For many people there is a fear of God, as there was a fear of the bully on the playground in middle school. Evil produces a fear, but the genuine fear of God is a response to all we know about God. We can revere God because of His justice and His goodness.

Fourth, God is just. He always does what is consistent with His nature. He has given us His Law, which means He has revealed His holiness. We know right from wrong because God has shown us what is righteous and what is wicked. When God judges sinful man, we can be assured His judgment is just.

Fifth, God is a saving God. Our God saves His people from their sins and from sin’s consequences. We are not just forgiven, but we are also delivered. He is mighty to save. God is the subject of salvation, and we are the object. American Christianity often gets this turned around. In the right order, we have hope because God saves His people (Mt 1:21).

Sixth, God is faithful to those who love Him. When God sets His love upon a family, He blesses them from generation to generation. He even writes this in His Law (Dt 5:9–10). This is often forgotten by Christian parents who are grieving the spiritual state of their lost children.

Seventh, God works His providence in our lives, and sometimes He allows His chosen ones to get a full taste of the world before He drags them back into the His flock. This is the story of the prodigal son.

Eighth, God will bring suffering in someone’s life in order for them to return to Him. Many Christians in America are subject to the “God is love, only,” theology. Suffering makes no sense in this scheme of theology. Believers, however, know that suffering has its purpose. Parents are often the ones children turn to in seasons of trouble. We must be ready to give them an account of the hope within us.

Ninth, God works all things together for good for those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose (Rom 8:28). This is true for both good and bad providence. There is a great comfort for parents concerned about the salvation of their children because of this truth.

As we turn to consider the practical things we can do for our unbelieving children of any age, let me recapitulate my theology lesson shared with my neighbor. God is sovereign, He is working His predetermined plan. He is good and working all things for good for His people, even to the next generation. His will must be done, and our task is to trust Him.

Trusting God is a practical exercise. We demonstrate our faith in Him by trusting in His Word, by His grace (Rom 10:17). A Christian’s faith is often wavering because she is not equipped in the Word of God. We are daily tempted to solve problems we cannot solve, by using ingenuity or problem-solving skills. These leave us frustrated because they do not help us draw near to God. We need practical measures, designed by God, to bring us to the throne of grace. You cannot save your unbelieving children so what can you do?

First, your ministry toward your children begins and continues with prayer. Situations get more difficult in a life of faith. The reason for this is God’s plan to grow our faith. When we have attained a certain level of faith, God often brings the next trouble with increased intensity. This helps us increase faith.

Prayer is an act of faith. It is a means of grace for us to communicate with our heavenly Father. If I have one complaint with my children, it is their practical neglect of me as a resource for advice. God, our Father, graciously draws His children to come to Him with every problem. He is the God of all wisdom, why don’t we bring it to the Lord in prayer?

Prayer allows a Christian to release his burden at the throne of grace. Cast your cares upon God for He cares for you (1 Pet 5:7). If your children are not believing in Jesus, then pray for them. It may be the one thing you can do for them as they explore the darkness. They will find trouble, and just as Jesus prayed for us, “keep them from evil the one (Jn 17:15),” we pray the same prayer for our wayward children.

Second, God has given us His words of wisdom and instruction. The Bible informs us about what God deems important. Our lives should be ordered by His priorities. He has revealed these to us in Scripture. Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is older, he will not depart from it (Prv 22:6). Have you been faithful and diligent? If you have to say, “no” then confess your sin and pray for your children to find the Way.

Third, in equipping yourself with the Word, you are sharpening your Sword to do battle with the devil, who loves to care for your children when you are not willing or able. You must use your sword to fight for your children (Eph 6:17). The Word of God is a double-edged sword (Heb 4:12). It is powerful because it is the Word of God, which is a catalyst in the God’s will being done. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God (Rom 10:17). God’s Word opens the ears of its hearers, and it is the implanted seed of faith (Mt 13:18–23; Jas 1:21).

You must be ready to sow the Word in your children’s lives. The Word is the Word in season and out. It does not return void (Is 55:11), when it is thrust into their hardened hearts and dormant souls. It requires faith on the part of the parent to employ this offensive weapon of God’s choosing. He who is wise wins souls (Prv 11:30), especially the souls of his children.

Objections by our children grow with age. The world infiltrates their minds and hearts, and then we wonder what happened to them. Christian parents often set their children up for failure because they let the world nurture their children. The world is not gracious and merciful. The world is not good. The world has a distorted view of love. The world has no power to save your children, nor does it have the will to do it.

Christ has overcome the world (Jn 16:33), and His Spirit is active in accomplishing God’s will (Jn 3:1–8). This gives us hope, regardless of how neglectful we were in raising our children. When the burden for the souls of your children grips you, then begin immediately to seek the Lord in the matter. God answers the prayer of the righteous, and this accomplishes much for the benefit of our children. Ask and you shall receive (Mk 11:24). It honors God when you believe He is the Savior of your children.

Finally, I demonstrated to my neighbor what it means to be a neighbor. I prayed for her two lost children. I prayed right there in her hearing. She joined with me as we stood at the end of my driveway. The Bible encourages us to bear one another’s burdens. Counsel is important, but prayer should always be our priority.

In conclusion, there remains hope for your children while they live. You must be the light of hope shining for them, and others, to see God’s ability and His faithfulness to His promises. Your unbelieving children are walking in darkness, but you have the torch to help them see. God gives sight to the blind. He shines His light in our hearts (2 Cor 4:6), and He has told us we are the light of the world (Mt 5:14).

Be encouraged, your lost children will be running into the light shining in other Christians, too. As God’s will is done in these matters, your task is to be found faithful. Believe me, your children will thank you for your labors on their behalf, at some point in the future.

David E. Norczyk

Spokane Valley, Washington

April 24, 2021